Author 




Titie 






Imprint 



^enhoriii Royalty 'Vlay^ 

City Teller 

hy 
Lillian ^Mortimer 




Ti S. T)eni:ion & Company 

"Publhher^ • Chicago 

"Pr-ice 50 Cent^ 




Denison's Royalty Plays 

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T. S. Denison & Company, Publishers 

623 S. Wabash Ave. CHICAGO 



THE CITY FELLER 



THE CITY FELLER 



A Three-Act Comedy 
of Rural Life 



BY 

Lillian Mortimer 

AUTHOR OF 

•Little Miss Jack." "The Road to the City, " etc. 




CHICAGO 

T. S. DENISON & COMPANY 

Publishers 



7535^5 
IMPORTANT WARNING 




HE ACTING RIGHTS of this play, 
under whatever title performed, are 
fully protected by author's and publish- 
er's rights and copyright, and all in- 
fringements will be prosecuted. 
For AMATEUR presentation, whether admis- 
sion is charged or not, a royalty fee of ten ($10.00) 
dollars for each performance must be paid in ad- 
vance to the publishers, T. S. Denison & Com- 
pany, 623 S. Wabash Avenue, Chica|,o, 111. 

For PROFESSIONAL terms, apply to the pub- 
lishers. 

'O '^O 'v^ 

G/lttention is called to the penalties provided 
by the Copyright Law of the United States of 
America in force July 1, 1909, for any infringe- 
ment of the owner's rights, as follows : 

Sec. 28. That any person who willfully and for profit 
shall infringe any copyright secured by this Act, or who 
shall knowingly and willfully aid or abet such infringement, 
shall be deemed guilty of a misdemeanor, and upon convic- 
tion thereof shall be punished by imprisonment for not 
exceeding one year or by a fine of not less than one hundred 
dollars nor more than one thousand dollars, or both, in the 
discretion of the court. 

<:> 'C> <:> 

COPYRIGHT. 1922, BY LILLIAN MORTIMER 
C4LL RIGHTS RESERVED 



©CI.D (51728 
21 '22 



THE CITY FELLER 



FOR FIVE MEN AND FIVE WOMEN 



THE CHARACTERS. 

{In the Order of Their Appearance.) 

Jim Simpson A Farmer 

Marthy Simpson Jim's Wife 

LissiE Brown An Orphan 

Grandpa Simpson Old But Ambitious 

Auntie Purvis Sallie's Mother 

Lemuel Hecker A Small-Town Slicker 

Phil Granger The City Feller 

Sally Hecker Lemuel's Widowed Mother 

Jeff Biggs The Town Marshal 

Orrin Ruddy The Village Postmaster 

Place — Any American Village. 

Time — The Present. 



Time of Playing — About two hours. 



Synopsis of Scenes. 



Act I. The hack door yard of the Simpsons* 
home. An afternoon in the month of August. 

Act II. Their settin' room. After supper, just 
a year later. 

Act III. Same as Act II, the next morning. 
5 



THE CITY FELLER 



COSTUMES AND CHARACTERISTICS. 

Jim Simpson — Aged 38. Large and heavy-set ; a 
slow, easy-going farmer. Calico shirt with soft col- 
lar, sleeves rolled to the elbows, rough breeches with 
suspenders, boots, large straw hat, for Act I. Same 
style costume, but with different garments, for Acts 
II and III, as a year has passed. 

Marthy Simpson — Aged 30. A tall, gaunt, hard- 
working country woman, very domineering and nar- 
row-minded. Dark calico dress with sleeves rolled 
up, straw hat, heavy shoes, for Act I. Light calico 
dress with sleeves rolled up, and large gingham 
apron, for Acts II and III. 

LissiE Brown — Aged 16. Very sweet and lovable, 
but with the spirit and courage to speak up when 
necessary. She is devoted to Grandpa Simpson. Blue 
calico dress, low-hccled black slippers with straps, 
white cotton hose, big kitchen apron tied under her 
arms, hair in braid and tied with ribbon, for Act I ; 
removes apron and puts on broad-brimmed straw hat 
when she goes to ride with Phil ; takes off hat for last 
entrance in Act I. Bright colored gingham dress, 
white hose, black slippers, funny little hat trimmed 
with flowers, that looks as if she had trimmed it her- 
self, for Act 11. Same for Act III, until she changes 
to gown for marriage ; then a simple white organdy 
with blue ribbon sash. 

Grandpa Simpson — Aged 65. A lovable old fel- 
low, "bossed" by his daughter-in-law, Marthy, and 
secretly in love with Auntie Purvis. Meek and gentle, 
but with a great sense of humor. He is smooth 
shaven, and his hair is white and rather long. Worn 
and faded trousers, soft shirt, string tie, black alpaca 
coat, straw hat, low black shoes and white hose, for 



THE CITY FELLER 



Act I. Same for Act II until he changes for wed- 
ding; then an old black Prince Albert or frock coat, 
light gray trousers and silk hat. Costume similar to 
that of Act I, for Act III. 

Auntie Purvis — Aged 60. A sweet little old lady, 
completely under the domination of her daughter, 
Sally. She longs for a little home of her own where 
Grandpa and she may end their days in peace. Old- 
fashioned, full-skirted, tight-waisted dress of dark 
calico, white collar with brooch, white hose and low 
shoes, for Act I. Same for Act II until she enters 
after her marriage to Grandpa, when she wears an 
old-fashioned, full-skirted, silk or cashmere gown of 
lavender or gray, with little bonnet to match, white 
lace collar and lace shawl. Costume similar to that of 
Act I, for Act III. 

Lemuel Hecker — Aged 20. A tall, raw-boned 
country boy, very conceited, important and know-It- 
all ; an overgrown baby, spoiled by his mother. Jean 
overalls, loud shirt, unpolished boots, and large straw 
hat, for Act I. Loud, tight-fitting "store suit," high 
stiff collar that is obviously uncomfortable, loud tie, 
gaudy socks, new shoes and straw hat, for Act II. 
Same as Act II except for change of tie and socks, for 
Act III, but does not Avear coat until his second en- 
trance. 

Phil Granger — Aged 24i. A breezy, likeable chap, 
but with an air of mystery. The audience must not 
be sure, until he returns in the last act, whether he is 
honest or defrauding Grandpa. Palm beach suit, 
silk shirt, panama hat, low white shoes and white silk 
socks, for Act. I. Neat business suit with low tan 
shoes, silk socks and straw hat, for Act II. White 



THE CITY FELLER 



flannel trousers and blue sack coat, silk shirt, low 
white shoes and silk socks, for Act III. 

Sally Hecker — Aged 38. A large, fleshy woman 
with a giddy, girlish manner. She is very coqucttisli 
and coy, a great talker and gossip. A large-figured, 
bright-colored summer dress, large floppy hat, low 
shoes and light hose, for Act I. Light-colored wrap- 
per or old-fashioned house dress, with bow of bright 
ribbon at neck, large apron, white hose, large house 
shppers, for Act II. Same, witli hair in curlers, for 
Act III, until she changes dress for wedding. Then 
light, girlish dress with bright ribbon sash around 
waist, tied in large bow at back, bright ribbon bow 
at neck, hair curled and puff'ed very elaborately, rib- 
bon tied around head witli large bow at the side, white 
hose, low shoes, many bracelets, cheap rings, beads, 
etc. All her dresses should be planned to accentuate 
her large size. 

Jeff Briggs — Aged 70. Tall and sharp-featured, 
A'ery excitable. Has red hair and short goatee. Large 
felt hat, rough suit, dark flannel shirt, string tie, 
large boots, constable's badge. Typical town mar- 
shal. jMa3'be somewhat over-done for comedy effect. 

Orrin Ruddy — Aged 70. A little old man, very 
eccentric and quite deaf. He is courting Sally, and 
carries himself with a jaunty and sometimes quite 
giddy air. Speaks in jerky sentences. Chews con- 
stantly (licorice is recommended, as it is not off^en- 
sive). Store suit that is too large, paper collar, 
flashy ready-made four-in-hand tie that hooks on, old 
felt hat and cowhide boots. 



THE CITY FELLER 



PERSONAL PROPERTIES. 



Jim — Buggy whip ; pipe ; tobacco in pouch. 

Marthy — Covered basket ; laprobe ; veil to tie hat 
on ; dishes ; tea-towel ; cover for table ; lighted 
lamp ; lighted candle. 

LissiE — Laprobe ; water pail and dipper ; a small 
bundle done up in newspaper, supposed to con- 
tain all her clothes. 

Grandpa — Stamped, addressed and sealed letter ; 
spectacles; candle and matches for Act 11. 

Lemuel — Shotgun. 

Phil — Auto horn. 

Sally — Kid curlers for hair. 

Jeff — Larcfe constable badee. 

Orrix — Large envelope, addressed, stamped and 
sealed, with check inside. 



SUGGESTIONS ON STAGING. 

The stage settings for "The City Feller," as given 
in the diagrams and descriptions of scenes, are those 
used for the professional production of this play. 
In most instances it will be found practicable to re- 
produce the settings closely with the stock scenery 
and properties that are part of the equipment of the 
average theatre. But the settings may be simplified, 
if necessary, without harming the action of the play. 

The set house used In Act I may be placed at the 
extreme left of the stage so that only the front and 
right side of the house are required, the wing In front 
of the house masking the left corner and side. Or 
If It Is Impossible to obtain or make scenery for a set 
house, It may be replaced by a low platform up ex- 



10 THE CITY FELLER 

treme left, set to represent a porch, the wing masking 
the place where the house is supposed to be. A rail- 
ing and a vine trellis will add to the reality of such a 
porch. Entrances and exits to and from the house 
would be made across the platform, into the left 
wings. 

If it is difficult to set the fence with angles as indi- 
cated, it may be set in a straight line from the right 
side of the house to a wing down right. Should your 
theatre have no property fence, make one of laths 
and scantlings, braced from the back, and white- 
washed. If the gate makes it top-heavy, omit the 
gate and just leave an opening, down right. 

For Acts II and III, if you have no rough or 
kitchen interior, use the reverse side of a parlor set, 
with pictures, a calendar, a map, etc., on the walls. 
Do not use a kerosene oil lamp. A lamp fitted up 
with a candle is far safer. 

The use of the short flight of steps leading to the 
door up left in the interior set is not essential, but 
will add greatly to the dramatic effect of the action. 

The incidental music called for includes "Old 
Fashioned Rose" (price 30 cents), and "Old-Time 
Wedding Day" (price 35 cents), both of which can 
be had from the publishers of this play. 

The lighting and music cues should be followed as 
given if possible, but they can be omitted. 



THE CITY FELLER 



11 





SCENE PLOT. 








Act I. 








Country Landscape Drop 






/wood 
/Wings 


picket Fence 

/ 


Cottage 

-MDoorl-r 
1 Porch 1 


Wood\ 
Wings\ 




/wood 


-■-- 1 1 ' ' 

Gate [ 1 Step 


Wood\ 




/wings 
Right/ 


-— U Bench 
Curb 


Wings\ 


\Left 



Acts II and III. 



JDoor}- 



Landscape backing. 

Window 




Plain Interior 



I Couch I 



Chair □ 




Right 



Left 



STAGE DIRECTIONS. 

Up stage means away from the footlights ; down 
stage, near footlights. In the use of right and left, 
the actor is supposed to be facing the audience. 



THE CITY FELLER 



The FittST Act. 

Scene : The door yard of the Simpsons' home, on 
an afternoon in the month of August. Across the 
back is a country landscape drop or cyclorama. A 
vine-covered porch, with a single step, leads to the 
house, up left of center. A picket fence extends 
from the house across the stage to the wings down 
right, with a gate near the wings. Up center is a 
wooden bench, close to the house. Down right of 
center is a well-curb, with a bucket of water to be 
pulled up by the windlass. A churn stands on the 
porch or in the yard near the door. A milk bucket 
is inverted over one of the fence pickets. Other 
properties appropriate to a rural door yard may 
be shown. There are flowers growing along the 
fence and at the side of the house. The stage is 
covered with a brown or green groundcloth, and 
grass mats ad lib. 

Lights. Foots and borders up full. Yellow bunches 
from both sides, until cue. Then blend in rose 
bunches from left, for sunset effect at curtain. 

Music. For rise, "Old Fashioned Rose." 

As the curtain rises, Jim enters from the right, back 
of the fence. He carries a buggy whip in his hand. 

Jim. 

(Coining through the gate, calls.) 
Marthv! Marthy! 

13 



14 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
(Calls from inside the house.) 
I'm comin', Jim. Don't f rgit, Lissie. 

Marthy enters from inside the house, carrying a 
basket. 

Marthy. 
Land, I f'rgot the robe. (Hands Jim the basket.) 
Here, Jim, put them eggs in the buggy. 

Jim. 
(Taking eggs.) 
Yep. Ten dozen? 

Marthy. 
Yep. (Calls.) Lissie, Lissie ! (Tying veil around 
bonnet.) I wonder if we hadn't better take that pork 
over to Mandy's. (Calls.) Lissie! Lissie, are ye 
deef.? 

Lissie enters from the house. Music louder as she 
appears, then soft. 

Lissie. 

(Standing in the doorway.) 

You calL'' ,, 

Marthy. 

F'r the land sake, did I call.^ I've been screechin' 

my lungs plumb out ! 

Lissie. 

Lovely, peaceful day, ain't it.'' 

Marthy. 
Oh, you shet up about the day. Get me the lap- 
robe; hurry! -r 

•' Lissie. 

Yes, ma'am. (She goes into the house. Music 
stops.) 



THE CITY FELLER 15 

jMarthy. 
Land ! A hul corn field could grow under her feet 
while she's gettin' from here to the kitchen. 

Jim. 
{Looking at the sky.) 
Wonder if it's goin' to rain. 

Marthy, 
Wish't it would. Them raspberries will burn up 
sure if it don't rain soon. And they're finer this year 
than they've be'n in a age. 

LissiE enters with robe. 

]Marthy. 
Lissle, ef I ain't home f'r supper, which I think I 
will be, don't tech that cold roast. I'm savin' that f'r 
tea when the Jenkins come tomorrow. {Takes robe.) 

Grandpa enters from the house and crosses toward 
the gate. 

Marthy. 
Where be you goin', grandpa .^^ 

Grandpa. 
{Very nervously.) 
Think I'll step over to Auntie Purvis's f'r a spell. 

(LissiE goes back into the house.) 

Marthy. 
{To Grandpa.) 
Don't fergit that thread and sugar from the store. 

Grandpa. 

No, but it's a mite too hot to go jest yit. {Goes 
briskly out right, through gate.) 



16 THE CITY FELLER 

Jim. 
(Looking after Grandpa.) 
Goin' over to Auntie Purvis's again. (Suspicious- 
ly.) Suppose them old folks was to take it into their 
heads to git married. Wish we could do something 
to discourage father from goin' there so often. 

Marthy. 
Oh, I guess we could stop it if worse come to worse. 
What would they live on, anyway.'* 

Jim. 
Father's got close to a thousand dollars saved up 
into the bank. (Auto horn is sounded by Phil, off 
stage, right.) 

Mauthy. 
(Looking off right.) 
I declare, who's that slick lookin' feller into the 
automobile.'* Wonder where he comes from and what 
he's doin' here. I ain't saw him before, hev you.-* 

Jim. 
(Looking.) 
No ; I ain't never seen him before. Looks to me 
like one of them sharpers. I got my suspicions of 
fellers that dresses like thet. A body that's so fixed 
up on the outside must do it because he's lackin' in- 
side. Well, come on ; Mollie's tired standing. 

(Marthy and Jim exeunt through gate.) 
LissiE enters from the house, and runs to the gate. 

LiSSIE. 

Oh, I'm glad they're gone. I'm glad they're gone, 
and I wish the old house, the dishes and everything 
would all burn up before they git back. 

Grandpa enters quickly from the right. 



THE CITY FELLER 17 

LiSSIE. 

{As he approaches.) 

What's the matter, Grandpa? Did Marthy shoo 

you back aeain? „ 

•^ ^ Grandpa. 

(Coming through the gate.) 

No, Lissie ; I fergot my glasses. 

LiSSIE. 

{Runs to bench by house and picks up glasses.) 
Here they are, jest where you left them. {Putting 
arms around his neck.) Ain't ye glad they're gone, 
Grandpa — Jim and Marthy? 

Grandpa. 
{Furtitreltj.) 
Hesh, hesh, Lissie ; ye mustn't talk so. 

LiSSIE. 

Oh, they're way down the road ; then can't hear. 
I'll hurry and do the dishes, Grandpa, then I'll come 
over to Auntie Purvis's and read to you. I've got the 
most beautiful story. Grandpa. 

Grandpa. 
{In a frightened whisper.) 
Where did ye git it, Lissie? 

Lissie. 
Tillie Jones give it to me. 

Grandpa. 
{Eagerly.) 
An' it's a good un ? 

Lissie. 
{Rapturously.) 
It's grand, Grandpa. 



18 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
Come over, Lissie. Auntie Purvis an' me will be 
settin' under the grape arbor. 

Lissie. 

{Throws arms around Grandpa.) 

Oh, Grandpa, I wish you an' me an' Auntie Purvis 

could live together always, an' thet everybody else 

was dead. ^ 

Grandpa. 

Sh, sh, honey. That ain't Christian. But some 

day, meybe, honey ; some day. 

Auntie Purvis enters from the right, very much 
excited. 

Auntie. 

Lissie, Lissie! ^ 

Lissie. 

Auntie Purvis, we was jest talkin' 'bout you. 

Auntie. 
{Excited.) 
Hev ye seen William, Lissie.'' 

Lissie. 

No, is he lost.? . 

Auntie. 

{Coming through the gate.) 

Yes, he has be'n since early this morning. And 

here it is near noon and he ain't come fer his milk 

yit. Land, I'm so worried! Ef anything should 

happen to thet cat — 

Grandpa. 

{Patting her hand.) 

Now, now, Mary, don't git flustered 5r it'll make 

your head ache ag'in. Come and set under the arbor 

in the shade. William will be home, sure as cats is 

cats. {Leads her toward right.) 



THE CITY FELLER 19 

Auntie. 
{Going with him.) 
Well, I'm so worried, Ben. 

Grandpa. 

Course ye be honey, but he'll come back. William 

will come back. Come along now honey ; come along. 

{They go out through the gate.) 

Auntie. 

Come over, Lissie. (Grandpa and Auntie exeunt 

right.) ^ 

Lissie. 

Just as soon as I git the dishes washed. {Leans 

over the fence and watches them go.) 

Lemuel, enters down left, crosses behind Lissie and 
put his arm around her. 

Lissie. 
{Swings around angrily.) 
Say, Lem Hecker, you quit that ! 

Lem. 
Oh, say now ! Don't pretend ye don't like it. 

Lissie. 
{Hotly.) 
You do it again, ever, and I'll slap your face ! 

Lem. 

Oh, quit y'r kiddin'. 

Lissie. 
Well, you'll see! {Starts for house. Lem steps 
in front of her.) You let me by! 

Lem. 
People who are so dinged poor shouldn't be so durn 
stuck up with folks that is somebody. 



20 THE CITY FELLER 



LiSSIE. 

(Tries to pass him.) 
Aw, you ain't somebody. 

Lem. 

(Still blocking the way.) 
I'm the best catch In this town. I can take the 
pick of all the gals. There's Hetty Thomas. She's 
pretty, takes pianer lessons, an' she's jes' crazy 'bout 
me. X 

LiSSIE. 

If you was about me long I'd be crazy, too. You 
let me by. j^^^ 

Smart, ain't yc? If you don't let me be y'r steady 
you'll never git another. Why, I might even marry 
ye some day. I don't care ef ye ain't educated or 
nothin', I like ye, Lissie, an' ye better not let me slip. 
Say, I'll buy a little farm 

LiSSIE. 

{In a fury.) 

I don't want a farm! I hate farms! An' I'm as 

educated as you are, Lem Hecker. I can read an' 

write beautiful — Grandpa says so — an' you spell 

rotten. I could hardly read what you wrote me last 

Sunday. Now, you can let me by, 'cause I gotta 

wash them dishes. ^ 

Lem. 

Marry me, Lissie, an' yc won't have to wash no 

more dishes. L^gg^^^ 

I won't ! I won't marry ye, if I have to wash dishes 
till I die and then wash some more. 

Lem. 
(Angrily stepping back.) 
Darn you, I wouldn't maiTy ye now if ye begged 
me to. But I'll get even, believe me. 



THE CITY FELLER 21^ 

LiSSIE. 

(Running to house.) 
What'll yc do? Lie 'bout me same as ye did 'bout 
Sadie? Lem, go on an' take piano lessons with Hetty 
Thomas. (Exits into house, laughing.) 
Lem. 
Darn her ! She'll want me to marry her some day. 
I'll lead her on, then I'll throw her over an' marry 
some other girl, darned if I don't. (Exits down left.) 
(Music — "Old Fashioned Rose.'') 
LissjE peeps out of door, enters with pail and 
crosses to well. Phil sounds auto horn, off right. 
LissiE jumps. T 

"^ '^ l^ISSIE. 

Ugh! What's that? 

Phil runs on from right, through gate. 

Phil. 
Excuse me, Miss, I'd be awfully grateful for a 
drink of that water. May I have a dipper full? 

LiSSIE. 

(Bashfully.) 
Yes, sir. ^^^^ 

Thanks. 

(LissiE starts to pull up bucket from well.) 

Phil. 

(QuicHtj.) 

Let me help you. (He pulls it up and puts it down 

beside well curb.) Hot, isn't it? (Drinks.) Guess 

the crops would be grateful for a little rain. 

LiSSIE. 

Yes, sir. p^^^^ 

I was mighty thirsty. This is a pretty place. Is 
it your home? 



22 THE CITY FELLER 

LiSSIE. 

No, sir, not mine. I haven't any home. Jim and 

Marthy Simpson and Grandpa live here. It's their 

home. „ 

Phil. 

And where do you live.'^ 

LiSSIE. 

I don't Hve; I work here. I've worked here since 
I was eight years old. 

Phil. 
Haven't you a father or mother.'* 

LiSSIE. 

No, sir ; they're dead. 

Phil. 
Gee, that's tough, isn't it, kid.'' 

LiSSIE. 

I'm not a kid, I'm nearly sixteen. But it is kinda 
tough. 

Grandpa enters from the right. 

LiSSIE. 

Here's Grandpa, now. 

Phil. 
Grandpa? -r 

^ LiSSIE. 

Yes; Grandpa Simpson. (Starts to lift pail.) 

Phil. 
Here, let me take that. (Carries pail to door.) 

LiSSIE. 

(Taking pail at door.) 
Thanks. (Looks up at Mm.) Oh — your eyes are 
blue, ain't they? 



THE CITY FELLER 23 

Phil. 
(Somewhat emharrassed.) 
Why — yes — I think so. 

LiSSIE. 

Yes, they are. {Exits into house.) 

(Music stops.) 

Phil. 
(Laughs.) 
How do you do, j\Ir. Simpson.'' I dropped in to 
beg a drink of water. 

Grandpa. 

(Who has come through gate and crossed, sits on 

bench, under window.) 

You're right welcome, sir; right welcome. Stranger 

in town.'' „ 

Phil. 

Yes, I'm in the automobile manufacturing business 

in Detroit. ^ 

Grandpa. 

Do tell. Business pretty good? 

Phil. 

Yes, indeed, we're doing fine. And how's your 

business ? -, 

Grandpa. 

I ain't in no business, sir ; not now. I wish I was. 

Set down. ^ 

Phil. 

Thanks. (Sits on bench with Grandpa.) 

Grandpa. 
Jim and Marthy's good to me, but when folks is 
old they needs their own home. Young folks ain't 
got much patience with old folks. 

Phil. 
I guess that's right. Your wife is dead, eh? 



24 THE CITY FELLER ___^ 

Gkakdpa. 
Yes, nigh on to twenty-two years. 

Phil. 
Well, why not marry again ? I had a grandmother 
wlio was sixty-five years old and married again. Yes, 
sir. Ran away, too. God love her. (Little pause.) 
My grandmother raised me. 

Grandpa. 
( Confidentially .) 
Well, betwix' you an' me, I am thinkin' some of 
gittin' married. Sh ! There's Auntie Purvis ; she 
lives with her widder daughter, Mrs. Hecker. She ain't 
happy, Mary ain't, an' we've been courtin' some. 
And if we could only find a way — ye see, I ain't got 
only about a thousand dollars saved into the bank, 
and we might live a long time. An' if we was to go 
agin our children — not but what they ain't good to 
us — yes, sir, good as gold 

Phil. 
{Quickly.) 
A thousand dollars.'' You say you have a thousand 
dollars in the bank.? (Aside.) Gee! (Aloud.) I'll 
do it. Yes, sir, I'll do it. You give me this money. 
Grandpa, and I'll invest it for you in my automobile 
business. Others have gotten rich, why not you.? 
How would you like to be nch. Grandpa, with your 
own home, horses, carriages and automobiles.? Yes, 
I'll invest that money for you for the sake of my 
dear old grandmother. 

Grandpa. 
Wall, I swan ! That's kind o' you, sir. 

Phil. 
Not at all. I like to see old folks happy. Come 



THE CITY FELLER 25 

oil, take a ride in 1113' car. Wo can go down to the 
bank and get the money. 

Grandpa. 
(Nervousli/.) 
Wall, I ain't never be'n in one o' them automobillies. 
LissiE appears at the door. 

Phil. 
Oh, there's nothing to be afraid of. Come on. 
Perhaps the young lady would like to go with us. 

Grandpa. 
Lissie.'' (Hesitates.) Well, now 

Phil. 
Oh, come on now. I'm lonely and we'll talk the 
automobile business over. 

Grandpa. 
Wall, wall; I 'low I might. Lissie. 

LiSSIE. 

Yes, Grandpa. Grandpa. 

Put on your bonnet. We're going for an auto- 
mobilly ride. Lissie. 

(Delighted.) 
Oh, Grandpa! (Exits quicMy into the house.) 

Grandpa. 
( Reconsidering. ) 
Don't know as I ought to go. Marthy, my son 
James' wife — 

LissiE enters with hat on. 

Lissie. 
(Grabbing Grandpa's arm.) 
Oh, Grandpa! I'm most scared to death, ain't 

•' ■ (Lively music.) 



26 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
Wall, I 'low I am a little mite oneasy. 

Phil. 
Come along. Nothing to be afraid of. I'll drive 
slow. (Goes out through the gate.) 

LiSSIE. 

(Excitedly taking Grandpa's arm.) 
Oh — hoo — Grandpa! (They follow Phil out, 

''^^^-^ Phil. 

(Off right.) 
That's right ; jump in, jump in. All fixed .^ (Toots 
horn.) 

Sally Hecker enters, down left, and starts at sound 
of horn. 

Sally. 

Land! What in Sam Hill is that? (Crosses to 

gate. ) An automobile. Well, if it ain't got Grandpa 

Simpson and Lissie Brown in it! Fer the love of 

lemons, who is that feller? (Calls.) Marthy ! Marthy I 

Lem enters, down left. 

Sally. 
Lemuel, come here quick. Who is that feller? I 
never seed him afore. Never heard Marthy speak 
of no city relation or nothin'. Who in Sam Hill is he? 

(Music stops.) 

Lem. 

How do I know, Ma? Must have just arrived in 
town or you'd know all about him. 

(Phil sounds auto horn in distance.) 



THE CITY FELLER 27 

Sat.ly. 
{Sharply.) 
None of y'r back slack, or I'll knock y'r head 
plumb off y'r neck. Wonder where Marthy is ! She 
must hev went away or Grandpa and Lissle wouldn't 
be trapsin' round. And what you doin' over here, 
Lem.'' Don't you go hangin' round after that Lissie. 
Don't fergit y'r a Hecker. I don't want no paupers 
on my farm while I live. When I'm dead I can't 
holler, but while I live you harken to me. (Calls.) 
Marthy! Marthy! (Pause.) Yes, she's went. Heard 
her alarm clock bangin' away afore five. (Looks off 
left.) There's William in the currant bushes. (Calls.) 
Here, Willie, Willie — nice cat. Ma's worryin' her 
head off over him. No siree, Lem. Marriage is a 
pretty long business. I never was one to complain, 
but it seems to me that I've been Mrs. Hecker ever 
since I was born. No siree, I don't believe a woman 
can ever git used to bein' married. It's such a serious 
business — much more serious than dyin'. No matter 
what ye suffer, ye die sometime after a while. Now, 
when Hecker died — 

Lissie enters from the right, and runs to the house. 

Sally. 
Why, Lissie Brown; where hev you been.'' 

Lissie. 
(Running to the house.) 

'Scuse me ; I can't stop. I've been to Heaven, that's 

all. ^ 

Sally. 

Where's y'r grandpa? He be'n to Heaven, too? 



28 THE CITY FELLER 

LiSSIE. 

(On the porch.) 

He stopped over to see Auntie Purvis. (Goes into 

house. ) ^ 

Sally. 

Well, what d'ye know about that ? Come on, Lem, 

she can't throw me off no scent. I'm goin' to git to 

the b.ottom of this. Come on. {Starts to go, up 

''^'•^ Lem. 

Oh, I'm comin'. (Hesitates, looking after Lissie.) 

Sally. 
Then come on. 

(Both exeunt up left.) 

LissiE enters from the house, runs to gate and looks 
off right. 

LiSSIE. 

Oh — oo — They're comin'. (Starts for hoiise.) 
Marthy enters right, through gate. 

Marthy. 
(Calls sharply.) 
Lissie ! -r 

LlSSIE. 

Yes, ma'am. ,, 

Marthy. 

Where's Grandpa.'' 

Lissie. 

Oh, he'll be along pretty soon. (Goes into house.) 

Jim enters, right, through gate. 

Marthy. 

Jim. T 

Jim. 

Yes.? 



TH E CITY FELLER 29 

Marthy. 
Jim, Grandpa's not home yit. I declare if he 
ain't been gone more'n an hour. He went down town 
to git me a spool of sixty white and two pounds of 
sugar. Bet he stopped at Heckers' to see Auntie 
Purvis ; and right in the middle of the day, too. 

Jim. 
{Looking off right.) 
Here he comes now, just turnin' out of Heckers' 
yard. Wouldn't say nothin' to him if I was you, 
Marthy. (Pause.) 

Grandpa enters, right, through gate. 

Marthy. 
{Reprovingly. ) 
Grandpa, I should think you'd know better'n to be 
galavantin' around in the sun, sech a day as this. 

Grandpa. 

{Meekly.) 
Thet's so, thet's so — by cricky. Say, Marthy, I 
clean plumb f 'rgot thet there thread and sugar ; clean 
plumb f'rgot 'em. , _ 

Well, I never. Grandpa Simpson ! Whatever hev 
you be'n doin' this hour.'* 

Grandpa. 
Had a leetle business with a feller down town, and 
then I stopped a bit to Mary Purvis's on the way 

Marthy. 

Business ! ^ 

Grandpa. 

{Nervously.) 

Mighty hot, ain't it.? 



30 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
Hot? Well, I should say it was. You'd better 
set into the shade and keep quiet. {Goes into house.) 

(Grandpa sits on bench.) 

Jim. 
(Tricing to be diplomatic.) 
You be'n spendin' quite a bit of time to the Heck- 
ers' lately, Father. 

Grandpa. 
Yes, INIary Pur^as and me takes a lot of pleasure 
in each other's company. Old folks feels a sort of 
drawin' together, I guess, Jimmie ; sort of drawin' 
together, like as if they had somethin' in common. 

Marthy enters from the house, without her hat. 

Jim. 
(To Grandpa.) 
If you was a young feller, now, folks would be 
sayin' you was kind of sparkin' Auntie Purvis. 

Marthy. 

(Sarcastically.) 

Yes, an' I wouldn't be surprised a mite if they was 

savin' so anyhow. ^ 

'' *^ Grandpa. 

(Bising.) 

Calculate I'll putter around the garden a little 

while. , , 

Marthy. 

( Emphatic ally. ) 

I calculate you won't do no sich thing ; not in this 

beatin' sun. You set right into the shade until four 

o'clock, anyway. 



THE CITY FELLER 31^ 

Grandpa. 
{Meekly.) 
Now, Marthy, don't ye guess I'm old enough to 
look out f'l- myself? 

{Music, softly, ''Old Time Wedding Bay.'") 

Marthy. 
You ain't so young as ye once was, and you'd be 
overdoin' or gittin' a stroke or sometliin' if I wasn't 
always at ye. {Goes into house.) 

Jim. 

Calculate you'd better listen to Marthy, Father. 
{Goes into house.) 

Auntie Purvis enters quickly from right, through 
gate. 

Auntie. 
Well, Ben. ^ 

CrRANDPA. 

{Nervously.) 

Sh, honey ! . 

•^ Auntie. 

Land, what did ye start to tell me when Sally 

come in? „ 

CrRANDPA. 

Set down, honey. Folks is beginnin' to 'spect I'm 
courtin' ye. Auntie. 

{Sits xcith him.) 
Well, ye be, been't ye? 

Grandpa. 
{Chuckles.) 
I reckon I be. I don't sec why old folks ain't en- 
titled to do what they like as well as young folks be. 

Auntie. 
I 'low it's cause they ain't got no spirit left to 



32 THE CITY P^ELLER 

stand up f'r themselves an' fight their own battles. 
When y'r hair gits white, it seems as if y'r courage 
sort of oozes out. ^ 

CtBANDPA. 

( Courageously. ) 
Well, I'm goin' to speak right out about it pretty 
soon. I'm goin' to tell Jim and Marthy thet you an' 
me is goin' to git married an' then — an' then — by 
gum (slaps his knee), we'll do it! 

Auntie. 
(Fearfully.) 
They w^on't never let us. 

Grandpa. 

(Emphatically.) 

We'll elope. 

^ Auntie. 

Land ! Whatever would we live on, I'd like to 

know ? We ain't able to work stidy, an' ef we was to 

go elopin' an' git our folks mad, where would we be.'* 

Grandpa. 

I got more'n a thousand dollars saved up into the 

bank. . 

Auntie. 

(Smiles.) 

Drawin' most a dollar a week interest. 

Grandpa. 
There must be some way. 

Auntie. 
(Rises.) 
Well, when you discover it, come round an' tell 
me, an' we'll go keepin' house right sudden. 

Grandpa. 
Mary. (Pulls her back to seat.) Sh! I found 



THE CITY FELLER 33 

a way. We're a-goin' to make it. You an' me kin 
git married an' nobody say a word. 

Auntie. 
(In astonishment.) 
Ben Simpson ! ^ 

^ (jRANDPA. 

I've done so. It's a investment. I'm a-goin' to 
invest the money thet's into the bank. I'm goin' to 
invest it so thet it will bring us enough to live on fine 
an' not be beholden to nobody. 

Auntie. 
What be ye goin' to invest into, Ben.'' 

Grandpa. 
The automobilly manufacturing business. I met 
a feller an' I took a shine to him, an' fore I knowed 
it, I told him about you an' me, an' he seemed to 
understand thet somehow old folks ain't allowed to 
do what they want to. He had a grandmother an' he 
knowed how it is. She eloped an' got married spite of 
all ; she ran away. 

(Music stops.) 

Auntie. 
Wall, I swan, Ben Simpson ! 

Grandpa. 

An' I told him I didn't hev but what leetle money I 

had in the bank, an' he said, "Grandpa, it will do, an' 

you'll be rich an' hev horses an' automobillies." Wall, 

I looked close into his eyes an' they was stidy an' 

clear an' seemed honest to me, so I puts out my hand 

an' says, "Young feller, the money is your'n." An' 

thet's what I done. . 

Auntie. 

Did he promise.'' 



34 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
He done so. He said it wasn't on my account he 
was takin' the trouble, but on account of his grand- 
mother. . 

Auntie. 

I guess you dast to trust him all right ef he talks 
like thet there. You know I got a leetle money 
myself — three hundred dollars to bury me with. If 
your money'll keep us good, yours an' mine together 
will keep us better. An' to-morrow I'll git it out of 
the bank an' we'll invest the hull thing. 

Grandpa. 

{Enthusiastically .) 

We'll do it, Mary, we'll do it. He says it'll be a 

year before we git any dividends. But we ain't so 

old we can't wait a year. And won't our children be 

surprised? Won't they, just! {Hugs Auntie.) 

Sally enters right. 

Sally. 
Well, Ma, here ye be, an' me frightened nigh into 
rits a-lookin' f'r ye. {Comes through gate.) I de- 
clare, y're more trouble to keep track of than 
William. 

Marthy enters from house. 

Sally. 
{Rapidly.) 
Marthy, w^hen did ye git back.'' Great doin's since 
ye be'n away. A feller with a automobile has be'n 
drivin' some folks around town. He's livin' down at 
the hotel, an' if we don't hear of houses bein' robbed 
er the bank broke into, I don't know nothin'. I seen 
him settin' on the hotel steps dressed fit to kill. 
Marthy, I'll bet he had them clothes made special 



THE CITY FELLER 35 

fer him. An' what d'ye suppose he had stickin' into 
his tie? A di'mond bigger'n a shell pea! 

LissiE enters from house and listens. 

Sally. 

An' yaller shoes that come no higher'n his ankles. 

An' sich socks ! Marthy, them socks would have 

stamped him a sharper if nothin' else had. They was 

silk, an' lavender ; believe me 'r not, but I seen 'em 

close. ,, 

Marthy. 

Land ! I wonder the town marshal don't put him 

in the lock-uj). Be ye sure them clothes was made 

special f'r him.'^ 

Lem enters from right and comes through gate. 

Grandpa. 
Yes, them clothes was made special f'r him by a 
tailor, an' they cost eighty-five dollars. And thet 
ain't all. His shirts was made special, and they cost 
six dollars and fifty cents a shirt, an' he laid out ten 
dollars f'r thet wiggly straw hat. 

{Music, "Old Fashioned Rose.'') 

Marthy. 
(Suspiciously.) 
How come j'ou to know so much about him.'' 

Grandpa. 
(Innocentli^.) 
Oh, him an' me is friends. He's into the automo- 
billy business an' makes scads of money. 

Sally. 
That's what he says ! Ma, you come on home ! 
Lem, you see thet the doors is locked tight tonight, 
an' the winders fastened. Thet city feller's a burglar. 



36 THE CITY FELLER 

an' I know it. Some folks ain't particular what 
friends they picks up with! (Auntie, Sally and 
Lem exeunt down right.) 

Marthy. 
{Severely.) 
Grandpa Simpson, I'm ashamed of you! (Goes 
into the house.) 

(Grandpa sinks on bench, bewildered.) 

LiSSIE. 

(Runs and kneels beside Grandpa.) 
Oh, Grandpa! Wasn't his eyes beautiful.'' 

Curtain. 



THE CITY FELLER 



The Second Act. 



Scene: The settin-room of the Simpsons' home; 
just a year later, after supper. A plain or cottage 
interior, with an outside door and a window at the 
back, through which is seen a glimpse of country 
landscape. The door is right of center, and the 
window left of center. In the left wall, up stage, 
is a door which is reached by a short flight of three 
steps. In the same wall, near the audience, is a 
large door or opening, hung with portieres, lead- 
ing to the kitchen. In the center of the right wall 
is a fireplace with mantel-shelf. The furniture is 
such as would be found in the average country 
home. There is a table down right, with a dish pan 
containing some dishes. The window at the back 
has the sash raised, and it has a roller shade which 
can be drawn down. Directly under the window is 
a couch. Near the table is a chair, and there is an- 
other chair down stage, left of center. Other fur- 
niture may be disposed at the discretion of the 
director. On the mantel-shelf a shaded lamp is 
burning. An alarm clock also is on the mantel. 
Bare floor, with rag carpet or rugs. 

Lights : Foots and borders up full, until Grandpa 
blows out the light, when all stage lights are ex- 
tinguished. Blue bunches back of flat to show 
moonlight through door and window, throughout 
the act. 

37 



38 THE CITY FELLER 

Music : Lively, to raise curtain. 

As the curtain rises, Marthy is washing dishes at the 
table. Jim enters from outside. 

Jim. 

Why ain't Lissie washin' them dishes? (Fills and 
lights his pipe.) Marthy. 

I let her go to a picnic. Jes' got to let her go out 
onct in a while or the hull neighborhood would be 
condemning me. But when I was her age I'd be'n glad 
of a comfortable home and decent duds to wear, an' 
good, wholesome food in my stomach, without gad- 
ding about looking for amusements. She went to a 
picture show last night. This town is gettin' to be 
one seething mass of temptation for young folks. 
Never seen nothin' like it. The hull community has 
gone plumb to perdition. Hear about Sally Hecker 
makin' a fool of herself over old Orrin Ruddy ? Never 
seen such brazen flirtations goin' on ; an' her with a 
growcd son. If she had to work as hard as I do 
she'd be glad to go to bed nights, 'stid o' settin' up 
holdin' hands. I peeked through the shutters last 
night. It was most nine o'clock, an' there they set 
like a couple of old goslin's a-gazin' at the moon. 
(Picks up pile of dishes.) Sech things makes me 
sick! (Exit down left, though portieres.) 

Jim. 
Where's the matches.'' 

Marthy. 
(Off stage.) 
Ye'll have to come and git some. I'm so durn tired 
I f'rgot to fill the holder. 

(Jim goes out, down left.) 



THE CITY FELLER 39 

LissiE hursts in through tlie hack door, closes it, 

runs up the stairs and hurries out the door at the top 

of the steps. As she is going out, Lem enters through 

the hack door, closes it and looks curiously ahout as 

though in search of someone. Lissie, without her hat, 

reappears at the top of the steps. She shows disgust 

at seeing Lem. ^ 

° Lissie. 

I should think you'd get tired, taggin' where you're 

not wanted. -r 

Lem. 

I'm a-goln' to tag ye till ye'U say ye'll have me. 

Lissie. 
(Slowly descending steps.) 
Then 3^e'll tag till ye die. 

Lem. 
Yes, 'cause y'r mashed on thet crook automobile 
feller thet took ye ridin'. As if he'd remember the 
likes of you — a city feller thet flirts with every gal 
he meets ! 

Grandpa enters through the back door. 

Grandpa. 
Lissie, been't ye back early.? 

Lissie. 
{Crossing right.) 
I guess I be, a mite. 

(Lem, scowling sulkily, goes out the back door.) 

Grandpa. 
Lissie, I got a letter f'r ye, from the pust-office. 

Lissie, 
A letter for me. Grandpa .? 



40 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
{Mysteriously.) 
Yep! {Looks all around and gives her a letter.) 

LiSSIE. 

Oh, Grandpa, clo you guess it's from him? {Ex- 
amines envelope.) Looks like city writin'. 

Grandpa. 
{Putting on his species.) 
Let's see. {Holds letter close to his specks.) Yep, 
it do. An' it come from Detroit; see thet.'' {Shows 
post-mark.) -^^^^^^^ 

Let's see. {Takes letter, and spells.) D-c-t-r-o-i-t. 
Yes, sir. Oh, do you guess it's from him? 

Lem appears at the windorc, listening. 

Grandpa. 
Yep, I sartin' do. Ef he had ever wrote me I could 
tell the writin', but as he ain't never — {Takes letter 
and looks at it again.) 

LiSSIE. 

{Thrilled.) 

Shall I open it.^ ^ 

^ Grandpa. 

I 'low I would. Meybe he's wrote somethin' about 

them dividends. It's a year today. 

LiSSIE. 

{Opens letter and reads.) 
"Dear Little Friend : I've thought of your sweet 
face a lot in the last twelve months, and I'm coming 
to see you. And I have news for Grandpa. Will 
deliver it in person. I wonder if you will be glad to 
see me. I've made up my mind to ask you a very 
important question. When I think of you, I wish I 
were a better fellow, you are so sweet and good. Well, 



THE CITY FELLER 4 1 

I shall see you almost as soon as 3'ou receive this. 
Phil, 'The City Feller.' " 

Grandpa. 
(Excited.) 
He's goin' to bring them dividends, Lissie ! 

LiSSIE. 

Oh, Grandpa, won't we be just happy? 

(Lem smiles darkly and leaves zcindow.) 

Grandpa. 
I'll jest run over an' tell Mary. Lord, Lord, he'll 
bring' them dividends, sure as pigs is pigs. {Goes 
out the hack door.) 

Marthy. 
(Calls off left.) 
Be thct you, Lissie? 

Lissie. 
(Jumps quickly, starts to put the letter in her pocket, 
and drops if.) 
Yessum. (Hurries through door doxcn left.) 
Lem enters quickly through back door, picks up let- 
ter and reads it. 

Lem. 
So ! He's comin' here, is he ! 

Sally enters quickly through hack door. 

Sally. 

(Seeing him.) 

Lemuel ! Well, I thought you was to the picnic. 

Lem. 
(Half defiantly.) 
I'm here, ain't I? 



42 THE CITY FELLER 

Sally. 
I see ye be. I hain't stone blind. Say, Lem, who 
do you think I seen, big as life, goin' into the hotel 
jes' now? Nobody but thet city feller thet was here 
last August — the automobile feller. Wonder what 
he's doin' here again. 

Lem. 
Reckon now maj^be somebody'll find out who chloro- 
formed Mr. Smith at the bank an' stole three hun- 
dred dollars a year ago. Maybe he thinks we're a lot 
of jays here. (Boastfully.) The town marshal kin 
be fooled, maybe, but nobody can't fool me. 

Sally. 
Well, what did I say at the time? Didn't I say 
there'd be a robbery? I always did suspicion thet 
feller. Nobody ain't wearin' silk socks f'r nothin'. 

Lem. 

Well, you wait. (Winks slyly, and goes out back 
door.) 

Marthy enters from down left. 

Marthy. 

Hello, Sally. „ 

*' Sally. 

(Eagerly.) 

Say, Marthy, thet city feller thet wore the silk 

socks is back in town ! Now maybe the mystery of 

the bank robbery will be found out. Say, Marthy, 

set down, do. I jes' must unbosom myself. Marthy, 

I'm goin' to be married again! (Sits in chair at 

right.) -_ 

^ ' Marthy. 

(Amazed.) 

Sally Hecker! (Sinks into chair at left.) 



THE CITY FELLER 43 

Sally. 
(With a giggle.) 
Yes, I be. Guess who. 

Marthy. 
(Promptly.) 
Orrin Ruddy. g^^^^. 

Oh, you git out! Hovv'd ye guess that? I'll have 
to do my hair with a iron after this. Thet's one 
thing about gittin' married. Ye can't wear crimpin' 
pins. When a man's asleep liis elbows is so remark- 
able. My first husband nearly knocked my teeth in, 
once. Men wave their arms so in their sleep. It'd 
be as much as my life is worth to wear crimpin' pins, 
ye might be stabbed to the heart with one. Orrin 
isn't no beauty, an' he's seventy. But oh, how I do 
love thet man ! The way a woman loves a man before 
she's married is too beautiful f'r words. You believe 
in him so then. My, how I believed in my first hus- 
band ! He couldn't say a thing thet I didn't give one 
gasp of love and swallow it whole. I remember one 
night when it rained and he stayed till it was through 
and the walk had dried off, we set on the porch in 
the moonlight, an' oh, Marthy, when I think of the 
things Hecker said to me thet night — well, speak no 
ill of the dead, but he told me he'd die a millionaire. 
An' ye can judge of the rest by thet. Well (rising 
and crossing to back door), I must bake some cake. 
Orrin is comin' to tea tonight and I don't want 
nothin' to look skimpy. Orrin is always so hungry. 
Love never affects a man's appetite. (Returns and 
sits.) Hecker's mother always talked about how 
much he ate when he went to see her. She done it 
as a sort of dig to me. I always told her he 
ate twice as much at home. But he didn't, be- 



44 THE CITY FELLER 

cause nobody could cat more. But Hecker always 
looked hungry, he was so long and thin. It's a 
blessin' Orrin is seventy. At thet age ye haven't any 
mother-in-laws. {Sighs, rises and crosses to door 
again.) Oh, Marthy, I feel so strange ! But I never 
did like the name of Hecker. (Comes back and sits.) 
I knew a man named Wclsby Fry once. Welsby is 
such a distinguished name. I might have married 
him, only mother wouldn't hear to it. When he was 
callin' she used to keep poundin' on the floor over- 
head. No mother would dare pound on the floor now- 
adays. Nowadays the mother is out in the kitchen 
a-cookin' a hot supper to try to make the feller stay 
a little longer. An' even with all thet, there generally 
ain't no man to stay. Well, I must go an' bake thet 
cake. (Rises.) I'll come over this evening and tell 
ye all about it. I ain't got no time now. (Goes out 

back door.) ,, 

^ Marthy. 

(Who has risen expectantly every time that Sally 

did.) 

The durn fool ! 

(Music, ''Old Tim.e Wedding Day.") 

LissiE enters from down left. 

Marthy. 

Lissie, run upstairs and close them front windows. 
I think there's a storm comin' on. (Goes out down 

left.) 

Lissie. 

Ycssum. (Starts to run up the stairs.) 

Graxdpa, greatly excited, enters through the back 
door. 



THE CITY FELLER 45 

Grandpa. 
I.issic ! Lissie ! Put on y'r bonnet an' come with us. 
We're clopin' ! 

Auntie Purvis enters after Grandpa. 

Lissie. 
Oh, Grandpa! (Runs dozen the steps.) 

Grandpa. 
Sh! The dividends will be here today, I'm sartin'. 
An' me and Mary ain't a-goin' to wait no longer. 
We're goin' to the parson's on the corner, an' we 
want you f r a witness. 

Auntie. 
(Timorously.) 
It don't seem right cautious. It'd be better to wait 
till the money is right in our pockets. 

Grandpa. 

(Stoutly.) 

I ain't a-goin' to wait no longer! I got forty 

dollars left, and if we git found out thet forty will 

keep us till them dividends come, so come right along, 

Lissie. -r 

LlSSIE. 

All right, Grandpa. I'll be right over. Oh, goody, 
goody ! I'm glad. 

Grandpa. 
(Chuckling.) 
Hurry now, Lissie. Hurry. 

(Grandpa and Auntie go out back door. Lissie 
runs upstairs and exits. Note. — Auntie now 
changes to silk dress for her next extrance.) 

]\Iaethy appears at door, down left. 



46 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
( Calling. ) 
Lissie! Ain't ye closed them windows yit? 

LiSSIE. 

(Upstairs.) 
Yessum. I'm closin' them. 

(Marthy goes out again, down left.) 

Lem enters through back door, looks all around 
and goes out, down left. Lissie comes out of door at 
top of steps, wearing her hat. She runs quickly down 
the steps and hurries out the back door. Marthy 
enters quickly, down left. 

jNIarthy. 
(Calls angrily.) 
Lissie ! Lissie ! 

Lem enters after her. 

Lem. 
I tell ye, it's true. I knowed it when he was here 
last August, and she kissed him when he went away. 

(Music stops.) 

Marthy. 

Kissed him, a stranger.'' Lem, you ain't lyin' to 
ine? Lem. 

(Convincingly.) 
No, I ain't. Marthy. 

(Bitterly.) 
After me a-bein' a mother to her, givin' her a re- 
spectable home since she was five, and now she turns 
'round and disgraces me. 

Lem. 
Yep. And me willin' to marry her. 



THE CITY FELLER 47 

Marthy. 

(Angrily.) 

I'll turn her out, bag and baggage, this night! 

(Turns to him.) Did ye say she's be'n gittin' letters 

from him? _ 

Lem. 

Yes, and I kin prove it. 

Marthy. 

(Calls.) 
Lissie! Lissie! (Pause.) Where has she went.'' 

Lem. 
Guess she's gone out. I'll go look for her. (Goes 
out back door.) 

Jim enters from dozen left. 

Jim. 

Don't be too sudden, Marthy. Better wait till 

y're sartin'. ,, 

•^ Marthy. 

Well, she's be'n actin' pretty wild lately. Be'n to 
a picture show twice in three weeks now. I ain't 
a-goin' to wait till she disgraces us all like Sadie 
Betts done. If I find it's true thet thet sporty gam- 
bling feller from the city has be'n writin' to her, out 
she goes this very night ! 

Jim. 

(In alarm, at back door.) 
Here comes Sally Hecker again. (Hurries out 
dozen left.) 

Sally bounces in, through the back door. 

Sally. 
I don't know what to do, Marthy. My cake has 
gone flatter'n a flounder. I'm jest in a daze, thet's 



48 THE CITY SELLER 

all. Well, I'll have to make another. Hev ye any 
raisins an' citron, Marthy? 

Marthy. 
No, I ain't got a raisin in the house. 

Sally. 
Marthy, think of me marryin' ag'in. {Sits at left.) 
Mr. Ruddy is different from my first husband. He's 
seventy. Lem's father was twenty-one. I feel so 
queer. I got such a buzzin' in my ears. I wonder 
if I'm bilious. I wonder where mother is. Thought 
she might be over here. Wish ye could a seen her face 
when I told her I was goin' to git married agin. 
(Rises.) Guess I'll go home and drink a cup of 
strong tea. Never was so upsot in all my born days. 

Marthy. 
You must try to calm yourself, Sally. Ain't 
nothin' done by gittin' so excited. 

Sally. 
I can't help it, Marthy. Look at the way the 
crimp's gone out of my hair. And I twitch so my 
nose goes jes' like a rabbit's. Thet's the worst about 
men, the way they upsot you. An' it's so long since 
I was upsot by a man. (Goes out back door.) 

Marthy. 
(At door, calls back.) 
Jim ! Here's Grandpa comin' now. He just left 
Auntie Purvis at her door. Better talk to him now. 
(Music, "Old Time Wedding Day.") 
Jim comes in from down left. 
Marthy. 
And let me know when Lissie comes in. (Goes out, 
down left.) 



THE CITY FELLER 49 

Grandpa enters through the hack door. 

Jim. 
Where ye be'n, Father? 

Grandpa. 
{Evasively.) 
Jes' f'r a little walk, Jimmic. Jes' f'r a little walk. 

Jim. 

What ye all dressed up for.'' Be'n to a weddin'? 
{Laughs.) Grandpa. 

{Startled, hesitates.) 

Calculate I have, Jimmie. {Takes hat off and puts 
it on mantle,) j 

Father, I've be'n thinkin' about buyin' the Hillger 
eighty thet lays next to my place. {Sits at right.) 

Grandpa. 
Um. A likely farm, Jimmie. How much does 
Hillger ask? {Sits at left). 

Jim. 
Twenty-three hundred. 

Marthy enters from down left, puts a cover on the 
table, etc. 

Grandpa. 
It's wu'th it, every cent. 

Jim. 
I've got twelve hundred cash. Now, you've got 
considerable into the bank payin' ye four per cent. 
Why not loan it to me on a mortgage? I'll give ye 

Grandpa. 
{Nervously.) 
Why — Jimmie, I'd be glad to loan it to ye. No- 



50 THE CITY FELLER 

body I'd loan it to sooner, but — er — but, Jimmie, I 
ain't got no money into the bank. 

Jim. 
(Rising, and speaking in a loud voice.) 
Ain't got no money into the bank? 

(Marthy, disgusted, goes out down left.) 

Grandpa. 
{Shakes his head no.) 

Jim. 

(Sharply.) 
What ye done with it? 

Grandpa. 
(Gently.) 
Now, Jimmie, there ain't no call f'r you to git mad. 
It was my money. I earned it. 

Jim. 
(Impatiently.) 
1 ain't disputin' that. But what I want to know 
is, what in thunder ye gone and done with it? 

Grandpa. 
I invested it. j^j^ 

(Rises.) 
Invested it! When? What into? 

Grandpa. 
Jest a year ago. It's in the automobilly manufac- 
turing business and it's prubably goin' to earn me 
more'n five hundred a year dividends. 

Jim. 

(Angrily.) 
It was thct slick feller with the silk socks. (Shouts 
in a rage.) That's who it was. He come here an' 



THE CITY FELLER M 

done ye out o' your money. Thet's what he done. 

An' you went an' give him more'n a thousand dollars, 

jes' like a country jay. Thet's what ye done. I 

should a listened to Marthy. She said ye was gittin' 

childish and ne-eded lookin' after. You ought to 

have a guardeen, that's what. The idea, throwing 

all thct good money away to buy diamonds and silk 

socks with! „ 

Grandpa. 

Now, Jimmie, it ain't lost. Them dividends is 

comin' soon. An' Mary an' me — 

Jim. 
( Interrup t ing angrily . ) 
"Mary an' you!" Mary an' you what? 

Grandpa. 
It'll be enough f'r us to live on. 

Jim. 

Did ye reckon you an' the old woman was goin' 

to git married.'' „ 

Grandpa. 

{Mildly.) 

I reckon, James, thet you ain't speakin' right to 

your father. {Rises and crosses right.) Thet ain't 

no tone to use. And, James, I don't reckon we're 

goin' to marry, 'cause, James, we was jist married. 

Jim. 

{His temper quite lost.) 

Married ! And who do you reckon is goin' to 

support you an' her.'' Ain't I got enough on my 

own hands to look after, my own family an' you, 

without havin' another crowded in.'' Ain't I? 

Auntie and Lissie enter through the back door. 



52 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
(Unruffled.) 
I guess ye hev, James. But Mary an' me ain't 
goin' to be crowded in. (Puts his arm around 
Auntie.) We'll hev our own house an' our own 
money. We shan't be beholden to nobody. Our divi- 
dends will be here today. 

(Music stops.) 

^Iarthy comes in from down left. She carries a 
lamp, which she places on the table. Sally enters 
through the back door. 

Sally. 
(Coming in and seeing Auntie.) 
Ma, where hev you be'n.'' 

Auntie. 
(Joyfully.) 
Sally, I've jest be'n married! 

Sally. 
(Screams.) 
Married ! Lakes of fire and heavenly flowers, what 
do you mean.? j^^^^ 

(With disgust.) 
Jcs' what she says. They're married. 

Marthy. 
Lord A'mighty! Qrandpa. 

(To Auntie.) 
Seems as if old folks ain't got no right to be. 

Sally. 
Well, Ma Purvis, you inarch yourself right along 
home, f'r I regard this marriage as null and void, 
without bindin' force or effect. 



THE CITY FELLER 53 

Marthy, 
This family will never consent to keep you together 
nor do nothin' toward your support. 

Jim. 
Father will live with us and your mother will live 
with you, same as usual, and we won't hev no non- 
sense. „ 

Sally. 

You go home, Ma, this minute. Go on. (Stamps 
her foot.) „ 

CjRANDPA. 

(Seeing Auntie's hewilderment.) 
Don't you worry, Mary, not a mite. Them divi- 
dends will come. Auntie. 
(Bravely.) 
I ain't a-worryin', Ben. I ain't a-worryin'. (Goes 

out hack door.) ,, 

Marthy. 

Grandpa, go up to your room. Go on ! 

(Grandpa, meekly and mithout replying, exits 
upstairs.) 

Sally. 
(Dismally.) 
I knowed it. I jes' knowed it. I was too durned 
happy! Somcthin' jes' had to happen. 

(Music, "Old Fashioned Rose.") 

(LissiE starts to go out, down left.) 

Marthy. 
Lissie, where be you goin'? You stay here. 

LiSSIE. 

( Turning hack. ) 
Yessum. 



54 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
Come here. Did you know about Grandpa and 
Auntie Purvis gittin' married? 

LiSSIE. 

{Approaching her.) 

Yessum. Marthy. 

I knowed it, you shameless, deceitful, two-faced 
little huzzy ! After all I've done f'r ye, you little 
snake-in-the-grass ! j 

Why didn't ye tell us what they was a-goin' to do? 
(Roors.) Answer me ! 

LiSSIE. 

(Quietly.) 
I didn't want to tell 3'ou. I wanted Grandpa and 
Auntie Purvis to be happy. 

Jim. 
(Shouts.) 
Ain't they be'n happy? 

LiSSIE. 

No, sir, they ain't. 

Sally. 
F'r the love of cider! 

Jim. 

Why ain't they be'n happy? 

LiSSIE. 

(Beginning to sob.) 
'Cause Grandpa loves Auntie and Auntie loves 
Grandpa, and they want to be together. 

Sally. 
I know how thet is ! 

Lem enters through the back door. 



THE CITY FELLER 55 

Marthy. 
{To LissiE, scornfully.) 
I reckon you'll say you ain't happy, next. 

LiSSIE. 

(Very softly.) 
No, ma'am, I ain't. 

Marthy. 
And what do you want to be happy.'' Ain't ye 
had a good home.? Plenty to eat, and a good bed to 
sleep in.'' What more do you want.'' 

LiSSIE. 

(Her voice stronger, but not defiant.) 
I want some one to love me. I want a home — a 
real home. I want a mother. I don't want to be 
drove like a slave. I want someone to love me because 
I belong to them — someone that will be sorry for me 
when I'm tired and sick. 

Sally. 
Well, her wants would fill a book ! 

Marthy. 
(With steadily rising voice and temper.) 
Well, I guess you've wanted about everything there 
is to want. Maybe ye want to git married, too. 
Maybe there's a sharper a-hangin' 'round thet will 
promise to marry ye and take ye to the city where 
ye kin wear silk stockings — an' di'monds, an' give ye 
a nigger to wait on ye. Maybe ye knew all about 
that sharper takin' all of Grandpa's money thet he 
had into the bank, an' maybe ye git letters from the 
robber, and maybe ye kissed him goodbye when he 
left last August ! 

Grandpa enters at top of steps, and descends slowly, 
while listening and observing intently. 



56 THE CITY FELLER 

Sally. 
Great Stars and Stripes ! 

Marthy. 
{In a fury, to Lissie.) 
Now, 3'ou pack up y'r duds and leave this house ! 

Jim. 

Marthy! Marthy. 

(In a complete tantrum.) 

You shet y'r head ! I've listened to you long 
enough. I know my dooty, and I got the courage o' 
my convictions. Lissie's at the root of all this, an' I 
ain't a-goin' to hev her in my house ! 

(Lissie climbs the steps slowly and forlornly, and 
goes out through the door at the top. Jim shakes 
his head and exits down left.) 

Sally. 
Come on, Lem. Great guns, no wonder mother's 
plumb looney! (Goes out with Lem, through the 
back door.) Grandpa. 

(Pleadingly.) 
Marthy, ye ain't a-goin' to turn thet little gal out, 
be ye? She's a good gal, Marthy, an' ye don't know 
what ye may drive her to. 

Marthy. 
Yes, I be goin' to turn her out — an' what of it? 
I ain't a-goin' to wait until we're all disgraced. I've 
alius held my head high in this community, and I 
ain't a-goin' to let no poorhouse brat trail it in the 
dust ! W o u 1 d a self-respectin' gal kiss a stranger? 
Would she let him write to her? (With emphasis.) 
Would a strange feller have d a s t to kiss m e when 
I was a gal? Answer me that. (Triumphantly.) 



THE CITY FELLER 57 

Grandpa. 

{With a wry smile.) 

No, Marthy. But Lissie never had a mother, per- 

liaps. ,. 

^ Marthy. 

(Indignantly.) 

Ain't I be'n a mother to her sence she was eight 

years old? Ain't I brought her up to know right 

from wrong.'' There ain't no satisfaction raisin' 

other folks's young-uns. Ye never know what'll crop 

out in 'em. „ 

(jtRANDPA. 

But Marthy, if — 

Marthy. 

{Interrupting him.) 

There ain't no use to argify. Grandpa Simpson. 

And don't you dast to talk to me, arter what you've 

done, Thet gal can't stay in my house another 

night! {Flounces out, down left.) 

Lissie enters at top of steps, wearing her hat and 
carrying a little bundle. 

Lissie. 
{Coming down.) 
Good-bye, Grandpa. 

Grandpa. 
{Turns toward her, as though startled by her 
presence.) 
Where ye goin', honey.'' 

Lissie. 
I'm goin' to him, Grandpa. 

Grandpa. 
Mr. Granger.'' How kin ye, dearie .f" 



58 THE CITY FELLER 

LiSSIE. 

He's down at the hotel, Grandpa. 

Grandpa. 
(Surprised.) 

He's m town? Lj^^^^^ 

^^^' Grandpa. 

{Eagerly.) 

Then wait, honey. I'll go an' get him. You go 
an' hide somewheres — in the bam or somewheres, 
dearie — an' we'll see what we kin do. But don't you 
go to him, honey. It wouldn't be right. I believe 
he's honest, but there ain't no tellin'. 

Marthy. 
(Calls from off left.) 
Grandpa! Grandpa! 

Grandpa. 
(To LissiE.) 
Wait, dearie, wait. (Exits down left.) 

Phil knocks at the outside door. Lissie starts to 
open it. But before she has reached it, the door opens 
and Phil stands on the threshhold. 

Phil. 
(Cordially.) 
Hello. (Holds out his hand.) Well, aren't you 
going to shake hands? 

Lissie. 
(Torn by her doubts.) 
Oh, Mr. Granger, are you good and honest? They 
call you a sharper. They say you robbed the bank, 
an' you do — oh, you do — wear silk socks I 

(Music stops.) 



THE CITY FELLER 59 

Phil. 
{Laughs.) 
That's a fact, I do wear silk socks. But you can't 
hang a man for that. So they say I'm bad, do they? 

LiSSIE. 

Are you bad? _, 

•^ Phil. 

Well, Lissie, I'm not what you would call good. I 

wish I were. Did you get my letter? 

Lissie. 

Yes. 

Phil. 

And where's Grandpa? 

Lem appears suddenly at the back windoxv and pokes 
a shotgun through, pointing it at Phil. 

Lem. 

{Trying to seem fierce.) 
Throw up y'r hands ! 

(Lissie hacks against rear wall at center, and remains 
an awe-stricken spectator until her next speech.) 

{Music tremolo.) 

Phil. 
{Quickly throws up his hands, hut shows no fear.) 
Well? What's the idea? 

Sally appears at the window with Lem. 

Lem. 
Here {at window, speaks to Sally), hold this till 
I git inside. (Sally takes the gun. Lem enters.) 
I got ye, ain't I, Mr. Fancy Feller? {Takes gun from 
Sally.) 



60 THE CITY FELLER 

Phil. 
(Pleasantly.) 
Well, I guess you have. But what's the trouble? 
What's the frame-up .'' I don't get you. 

Sally comes in through the open door. 

Sally. 
Ye may fool most people, but ye can't fool us, 
young feller. I knowed ye f'r what ye are, the minute 
I seen them socks. t ^,, 

J_iEM. 

(To Sally.) 
Come here. Hold this gun on him while I go fetch 
the marshal. (Sally takes gun.) I suspicion you 
of bein' the bank robber that robbed the bank in this 
town last August. (To Sally.) If he attempts to 
leave here, shoot ! 

(Music stops.) 

Sally. 
(Eagerly.) 
You kin bet I will. 

(Lem backs cautiously toward the door, eying 
Phil all the while as if fearing a sudden attack. Exit 
through hack door.) 

Phil. 
(Smiling.) 
Well, say. Miss — Miss — I beg your pardon. I 
didn't catch your name. 

Sally. 
Sally Hecker. Phil 

(Smiling very politely.) 
Will you permit me to lower my arms. Miss 
Hecker.^ 



THE CITY FELLER 61 

Sally. 
Mrs. Hecker ; Mrs. Sally Hecker ! 

Phil. 
Oh; I beg our pardon. (Lozaers his arms). 
You're not m a r r i e d.'' 

Sally. 
(rar%.) 
I reckon I be. td^ttt 

Why, I thought your brother said — 

Sally. 
(Interrupting.) 
He's not my brother. 

Phil. 
How stupid. I mean 3'our husband. 

Sally. 
I'm a widder. He's my son. 

Phil. 
Your son! (In astonishment.) Oh, come now; 
you're joking. g^^^^^^ 

( Weakening. ) 
Why do you think I'm joking.'' 

Phil. 
Really, you surprise me. Of course, people marry 
young, but — your son! You're trying to josh me. 

Sally. 
Well, I'm not. How old do you think I be ? 

Phil. 
Well, I suppose, seeing you have a son, you must 
be — But really, I'd never take you for a day over 
twenty. 



62 THE CITY FELLER 

Sally. 
{Giggling.) 
I was very young when I married Hecker. 

Phil. 
Indeed, you must have been. Oh, please sit down, 
Mrs. Hecker. {Politely waves her to a chair at left.) 
The marshal will be some time getting here. If you 
will allow me, I'll sit down. 

Sally. 
Sure. Go on; set, {Sits at left.) 

Phil. 

{Sitting at right.) 

Thank you. {Pause.) It's been a lovely day. 

Sally. 

{Sociably.) 

Yes, it has so. Ain't the flowers jest too sweet. 

Phil. 
Yes, they're lovely. {Pause.) I used to know a 
girl named Sally. Strange, but that name recalls the 
sweetest memory of my life. 

Sally. 
{Sentimentally.) 

I want to know ! Phil 

Strange I should be talking to you like this, but 
you have a way of drawing a fellow out. Yes, Sally 
was my first sweetheart. {Sighs.) Pretty little 
Sally. Do you know, you look like her. Yes sir, 
same eyes ; those big blue eyes ; same sweet mouth. 
No wonder I felt when I first saw you that I'd known 
you forever. Yes, Sally threw me over. I've never 
married. {Pause.) Did you say you were a widow, 
Mrs. Hecker.'' 



THE CITY FELLER 63 

Sally. 
(Siinpering.) 
Yes, I am. Lissie. 

{Eagerly.) 
But she's goin' to be married to Orrin Ruddy. 

Sally. 
{Turning her head angrily.) 
Shet y'r head, Lissie Brown! {To Phil, sweetly.) 
Don't ye believe her. Can't a girl flirt a little, Mr. 
Granger.? p^^^ 

I wish you'd call me Phil. 

Sally. 
{Giggling.) 
It don't seem jes' right. 

Phil. 
( Tenderly. ) 

Say it. s^j^j^Y^ 

{Coyly.) 
I won't. Pjjj^ 

'™1.» Sally. 

{More coyly than ever.) 
"Phil." Marthy. 

{Calls from off left.) 
Thet you, Sally.'* Come here a minute, will ye.^ 

Phil. 
{Rises quickly, crosses to Sally a7id takes the gun, 
very politely.) 
Allow me, Sally. 

Marthy enters down left. 



64 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
( D umbfounded. ) 

"S-"y'" Phil. 

(Crosses to door with gun.) 
I'll see you again, Sally. Ladies (raises hat polite- 
ly), good day! (Exit through hack door.) 

(Long pause for the laugh. Hold this picture.) 

Marthy. 
What's that sharper doin' here.'' 

Sally. 
(Smiles tenderly.) 
He's the bank robber. 

(Music lively.) 

Marthy. 
(Startled.) 
The bank robber ! 

Sally. 
But I don't care. He's the sweetest, politest, bank 
robber I ever met. (Crosses right.) 

Marthy. 
Sally Hecker, hev ye lost y'r senses.'' 

Jim enters down left. 

Jim. 
(As he comes in.) 
What's the trouble? 

Marthy. 
(Excited.) 
That sharper — that bank robber — has been here 
and Sally Hecker let him walk plumb away. And 
he's took our gun. 



THE CITY FELLER 65 

Sally. 
{Placidly.) 
'Tain't so. It's Lem's gun. 

Jim. 
What's he doln' here? 

Marthy. 
Come to see Lissie, I'll vow. {To Lissie.) Did you 
write him to come here.'* 

Lissie. 
No, ma'am. I hate him. He come to see Mrs. Sally 
Hecker. He likes her better'n me. 

Sally. 
{Tartly.) 
Land! Don't get so jealous. 

Marthy. 
Whatever do you mean, Lissie Brown? 

Jeff Biggs, greatly excited, enters quickly at hack 
door. Lem follows him in. 

Jeff. 
Where is he? {During next few speeches he tries 
to look important, hut can't get a word in.) 

Lem. 
{Looking around.) 
Where is he? Marthy. 

He's gone. Lem. 

Gone! {Pause.) Which way did he go? How 
did he git away? Sally. 

Jes' took the gun and left. 

Lem. 
Come on, Marshal. There's a train out of here in 



66 THE CITY FELLER 

five minutes. We must get him afore that train pulls 
out. Come on, Marshal. He mustn't get that train ! 

(Lem and Jeff rush out back door in frantic haste.) 

Sally. 
Dear me, why is robbers so fascinating ! {Goes out 
back door.) 

(Music stops.) 

Grandpa enters from down left and stands by the 
door. 

Marthy. 
{To LissiE. ) 
Why ain't you packed y'r duds and went.'' 

LiSSIE. 

I'm going now. {Picks up her bundle and starts 
for the back door.) 

Grandpa. 
{Pleadingly.) 
Marthy! Marthy. 

{Coldly.) 
Ye can't say nothin' thet will change me, Grandpa. 
I've stood disgrace enough from listening to you and 
Jim. I'm a church-goin' woman, an' now I'm listen- 
ing to my conscience. {To Lissie.) You git out! 
{Exits down left.) Lissie. 
(Softly.) 
Good-bye, Grandpa. 

Grandpa. 
(Gently.) 
Where be ye goin', honey.'' 

Lissie. 
I don't know, Grandpa. 



THE CITY FELLER 67 

Grandpa. 
Lissie, after they're in bed I'll let ye in. Ye kin 
sleep there on the lounge. I'm always up fust in 
the morning, an' you kin go early an' they'll never 
know it. Then maybe something will happen to help 
us tomorrow. God won't fergit us, honey. 

Marthy enters down left, carrying a lighted candle. 
Marthy. 
Well,airyegoin'.? Lissie. 
Yessum. (Goes out back door.) 

Marthy. 
Don't fergit to lock the door. Grandpa, and wind 
the clock. Air ye goin' to set up late .'' 

Grandpa. 
(Locking the windoxc.) 
Not to-night, Marthy. 

Marthy. 
Bring some matches, Jim. (Exits upstairs.) 

Jim enters dozen left. 

I got some. Good night. Father. 

Grandpa. 
Good night, Jimmie. Them dividends will be here 
tomorrow. 

(^Music, "Old Fashioned Rose.'') 

Jim. 
(Disgusted.) 
Ah! (Exit upstairs.) 

Grandpa. 

(Winds the clock, looks around cautiously, crosses 

softly and opens the outside door.) 



68 THE CITY FELLER 

Come in, lioney ; come in. (Lissie steps in from out 
of doors. He takes her bundle from her, and as he 
speaks to her he removes her hat.) Now go to sleep. 
Say y'r prayers, then lay down an' go to sleep. The 
Lord will take care of ye, dearie. 

(Lissie sinhs to her knees beside the lounge. 
Grandpa noiselessly closes and locks the door, lights 
his candle and extinguishes the lamp on the table. 
The only light is the feeble gleam of the candle on the 
table, and the flood of moonlight coming through the 
zcindow, in ri'hich Lissie is kneeling. Grandpa crosses 
to the window and pulls down the shade. Then he 
takes his candle and mounts the stairs at the left.) 

Grandpa. 
{At top of stairs, turns and whispers.) 
Good night, dearie. 

Lissie. 
(In a whisper.) 
Good night. Grandpa. 

(Grandpa goes out through the door at top of 
steps and closes it. The stage is left in darkness.) 

Curtain. 



THE CITY FELLER 



The Third Act. 

Scene: Same as the Second Act. Lissie is asleep on 
the couch. 

Lights : All stage lights off at rise. Dim rose bunch, 
for dawn effect, back of window and rear door. 
After Grandpa raises the shade, this gradually 
grows brighter and blends to yellow, reaching full 
sunlight when stage lights are on full. Foots and 
borders on dim when Grandpa enters with candle, 
increasing to half up when he raises the shade, and 
gradually going up full as daylight is supposed 
to come on. 

Music: At rise, "Old Fashioned Rose." 

At Rise: An alarm clock on the mantel shelf is ring- 
ing. After a moment. Grandpa enters up left and 
comes down tJie steps. He carries a lighted candle. 
He is in his shirt sleeves, and as he enters he is 
hitching his suspenders over his shoulders with his 
free hand. He puts the candle down, raises the 
window shade, blows the candle out, turns off the 
alarm, crosses to Lissie, and gently shakes her. 

Grandpa. 
(Softly.) 
Lissie ! Lissie ! It's four o'clock, honey. 

Lissie. 
(Sits up with a start, and rubs her eyes.) 
Grandpa ! 

69 



70 THE CITY FELLER 

Grandpa. 
Yes, honey. You must get up now, dear. It's 
four o'clock, and Marthj and Jim will be down di- 
rectly. T 

•^ LiSSIE. 

Yes, Grandpa. Oh, Grandpa, I had such a beauti- 
ful dream ! I dreamed you an' me an' Auntie Purvis 
was going up in a great big balloon, an' we was 
pickin' stars out of the sky an' putting them in a 
basket, an' then they turned out to be diamonds, an' 
Marthy and Jim was a standin' way down below on 
the ground an' cryin' fit to kill, an' Phil 

(Music stops.) 

Marthy. 
(Off stage, up stairs.) 
Jim, it's four o'clock; hurry up, now. 
(LissiE snatches bonnet in a hurry. Grandpa helps 
her, puts bonnet on crooked, etc.) 

Grandpa. 
Hurry, honey, hurry. 

Marthy enters at top of stairs, carrying a lighted 
candle. 

Marthy. 
(Sees LissiE and Grandpa.) 
Well! (Blows candle oil t.) I suspicioned this. Ye 
fooled us fine, didn't ye? (Calls.) Jim, hurry up 
down here! (She comes down stairs.) 

(Lem knocks at outside door. Marthy crosses to 
door, unlocks and opens it.) 

Lem enters. 



THE CITY FELLER 71 

Lem. 
{Excitedlij.) 
What d'ye think? That city feller's gone. 

Marthy. 

^«"^' Lem. 

Yep; jumped his bond. He paid the justice two 
hundred dollars right outen his pocket last night. 
Then at ten o'clock, when everybody had went to 
bed in the hotel, durned if he didn't sneak out. 

Jim enters at top of steps. He is in his shirtsleeves, 
and is putting his suspenders over his shoulders. He 
stands and listens. 

Lem. 

There was a telegram come for him at ten o'clock, 
and when Bill brung it up and woke everybody up 
in the hotel, they went to his room, but the bed 
hadn't even be'n slept in. That's the kind of a slicker 
he is ! When Hiram brung tlie milk to the hotel this 
mornin', jMrs. Redburn Jenkins, the cook, told him 
all about it, and when he brung our milk jes' now 
he hollered to me. You bet y'r life they'll put a de- 
tekative on his trail. They'll get him. Fine kind 
of a fellow, eh, Lissie.'^ I telled ye he was no good. 

Grandpa. 
{In a daze.) 
Gone ! It can't be ! 

Jim. 
{Comes dozen stairs.) 
Course he's gone. He's got all he can from the 
rubes in this town, and we'll never hear of him again. 

Sally rushes in through back door. She wears a 
liimona, and her hair is in curl papers. 



72 THE CITY FELLER 

Sally. 

Well, what do you think of it? Ain't it fierce? 
An' me almost took in by him, too! Lucky I didn't 
have no money with me, f r I swear to goodness if 
he'd asked f'r it an' batted them eyes at me I'd a 
given the hull caboodle. Why, that feller jes' mes- 
merizes ye, so help me gravy! Ain't it so? (^Undoes 
hair, etc.) Marthy. 

(Sternly.) 

Well, he couldn't mesmerize me. 

Sally. 
Nothin' could mesmerize you. 

Marthy. 
Lissie, you git out now ! Hurry up. Hunt some 
other place f'r to git y'r breakfast. 

(Lissie takes her package and goes out. Lem 

watches her go, and follows her.) 

Sally. 

Great white cats ! ain't ye goin' to give her no 

breakfast? ,, 

Marthy. 

No, I ain't. {Exits down left.) 

Jim. 
Better give her a cup of coffee, Marthy. {Exits 
left.) 

(Grandpa sinks on the lounge, his head in his 

hands. ) ^ 

^ Sally. 

Well, one can suffer more on an empty stomach, 
I i-eckon. That feller jes' mesmerized Lissie, same 
as he done me. It's a blessin' we ain't all be'n mur- 
dered. Say, I seen a murder oncet. Yep, I was 
standin' at the window (sits beside Grandpa), wipin' 



THE CITY FELLER 73 

the berry bowl countin' how many times I'd used it, 
when I heard a shot. It's a wonder I didn't drop 
the berry bowl, but I didn't. I jumped, but very 
little. I ain't a nervous woman, but a sudden shot 
when you're engaged in peaceful pursuits is enough 
to scare anyone. But I haven't be'n a married woman 
an' had all sorts of trouble f'r nothin'. Bein' married 
prepares a woman for almost anything. Well, I 
looked out of the window, takin' care to put the 
berry bowl on the table first, but I still had the tea 
towel in my hand. Course I didn't know it, f'r what 
use would I have f'r a tea towel.'' But then I once 
knew a woman who was cleanin' her bird cage when 
a fire engine went by, an' she was so excited, durned 
if she didn't run all the way to the fire with the bird 
cage in her hand. Not that I ever git excited, like 
that, but as I was sayin', I heard a shot an' looked 
out of the window — 

Lem enters from outside. 

Lem. 
{Interrupting.) 
Say, maw! Sally. 

Well, what? L^^_ 

Me an' Lissie's goin' to be married. 

Sally. 
{Screams.) 
What ! See here, young feller, don't stand there 
an' tell me no such flabgasted nonsense. 

Lem. 
{Stubhornly.) 
I mean it. I'm goin' to marry Lissie. 

LissiE comes in from outside. 



74 THE CITY FELLER 

Sally. 
Well, f'r the love of sausage ! Lem, y'r brains 
must be plumb dislocated. You marry that pauper, 
when you kin jes' snap y'r fingers an' any girl in 
the village would jes' hop at ye? 

Lem. 
I know that. But I want Lissie, an' I'm goin' to 
have her. You knoAV when I make up my mind, you 
can't change me. S\tty 

Yes, y're jes' like y'r father. If ever there was 
an all-fired mule, he was it. 

Marthy enters from dozen left. 

Sally. 

Now what do you believe! You turned her out, 
but it looks like I gotta take her in. Lem's goin' 
to marry Lissie. Marthy. 

Marry Lissie! g^^^^. 

Yep. Mother an' Lem a-marryin', if I don't get a 
durn sudden move on me, I'll git left. Lem, come on 
home and let's talk this here over. Better think it 
over, Lem. Marr3an' is a durn serious business. 

Lem. 
All the talkin' ain't a-goin' to change me. I'm 
goin' to marry Lissie. 

Sally. 
Well, ye kin talk it over can't ye, ye durn mule.'' 
(Strikes at him and he dodges.) Come on. (She 
goes out the back door, dragging Lem xeith her.) 

Marthy. 
Well, of all things. Y're a lucky girl, Lissie, an' 



THE CITY FELLER 75 

if I was you I'd grab Jiim so quick he'd never git a 
chance to think it over. {Exits dozen left.) 

LiSSIE. 

{Mournfully.) 
Oh, Grandpa! {Runs to his outstretched arms.) 

Grandpa. 

{Holding her to him.) 

There, there, honey. Maybe it's the Lord's doin's. 

Maybe it's the best f r ye. Ye'll have a good home. 

An' maybe Phil was a sharper arter alL Maybe it's 

the Lord's way of punishin' us f'r bein' so onsat- 

''^^^- LiSSIE. 

Oh, Grandpa, to think Mr. Phil would be so cruel 
as to take your money and Auntie Purvis's money ! 
Her money that she saved to be buried by. Do you 
think he has gone forever. Grandpa .^ 

Grandpa. 
I'm af eared, Lissie, I'm af eared. {Releases her, 
and she steps away a bit.) 

Lissie. 
And his eyes was blue ! 

{Music, "Old Time Wedding Day.") 

Grandpa. 
Yes, yes ; they was. 

Auntie Purvis enters cheerfully from outside. 

Auntie Purvis. 
Well, well, Lissie. Good mornin', Ben. What ye 
lookin' so pinin' f'r? Land, the sun's still shinin', and 
the birds a-singin'. Do ye think the good Lord has 
f'rgotten us, jes' because we trusted an honest-lookin' 
feller an' he didn't live up to that trust .^ Tush! 



76 THE CITY FELLER 

(Puts an arm around Lissik.). An' how do we know 
he ain't honest? Like as not he'll be back again. I 
ain't a-goin' to lose faitii so soon. So y're a-goin' 
to git married, eh, Lissie ; an' to Lemuel ! 

LiSSIE. 

(In her arms.) 
Oh, Grandma, I don't want to. 

Auntie. 
Tut, tut. Ye ain't signed an' sealed yit. Dry y'r 
eyes an' come on home with me an' have a mite of 
breakfast. They ain't nothin' so bad, but it might 
be a heap wuss. Come along, Lissie. Ben, go eat 
y'r breakfast, then smoke y'r pipe, an' after that 
you'll feel more like rememberin' that the Lord said, 
"Ask, an' ye shall receive." An' if He sees that 
we're a-fitten f'r it, we're a-goin' to git them divi- 

^^ends- Grandpa. 

( With new courage. ) 
Mary, ye make me ashamed. But I'm goin' to 
perk up. (Stands up resolutely.) 

Auntie. 
That's right, Ben; that's right. (Pats him on the 
back.) Come along, Lissie. 

Grandpa. 
(Looks all around.) 

Mary! Auntie. 

Yes.'* (He holds out his arms bashfully and looks 
inquiringly at her. She smiles and goes to him.) 
Well, there! (Kisses Grakdpa.) 
(Music stops.) 

Sally enters through back door in time to see 
them kiss. 



THE CITY FELLER 77 

Sally. 
Great guns ! Well, Maw Purvis ! No wonder I'm 
so romantic. Say, f'r the love of y'r country, Maw, 
come home and eat breakfast. If I have any moi'e 
excitement on an empty stomach I'm goin' to cannip. 
And Orrin is comin' today, too. Come on, Lissie. 
I 'spect I gotta give you my blessin' and a break- 
fast. Come on. Grandpa, you're a devil. (Sally, 
Auntie and Lissie exeunt through hack door.) 

(Note: Sally now changes dress for next entrance.) 

Grandpa. 
(To himself, emphatically.) 
Them dividends has got to come. The young feller 
promised. They've g o t to come. 

Jim enters from down left, lighting his pipe. 

Jim. 
Well, are ye satisfied now, eh.'' (Crosses to right.) 

Grandpa. 
(Comes to center.) 
Jimmie, I've be'n tricked, I reckon. I don't care 
so much f'r myself. But Mary's little fund — the 
dollars she'd saved f'r her funeral — and our dream 
of independence, Jimmie — the little home, the peace- 
ful days f'r me an' my old wife! ( Sinks into chair at 

'^M Jm. 

(Crosses up center.) 
Well, it's a lesson to you. But it's come too late, 
I reckon. But there's no use whinin' over it, father. 
You'll have to make the best of it. An' I might of 
had that Hillgar eighty, but it's all gone to buy 
silk socks f'r a sharper. Better go in to y'r break- 
fast. (Exits upstairs.) 



78 THE CITY FELLER _^_^ 

LissiE enters through back door, runs to Grandpa 
and falls to her knees in front of him. 

LiSSIE. 

Oh, Grandpa, Grandpa ! I can't do it ! I can't 
marry Lem ! I don't like him ! Oh what shall I do ? 
What shall I do? {Sobs.) 

Grandpa. 
{Soothingly.^ 
Honey, honey ; don't take on so. Lord, Lord ! 
I wish I could help you. I wish thet city feller 
hadn't never come to this town. 

LiSSIE. 

{Desperately.) 
Grandpa, if I had some money I'd run away. Oh, 
I don't know what to do ! Lem says I must marry 
him today. Grandpa. 

{In surprise.) 
Today ! Well, honey, you must make the best of 
it, I reckon. It's hard f'r a girl to marry without 
love, but you must make the best of it. 

Lem enters through the back door. 

Lem. 
Here ye are, an' a-cryin'. You'd think ye was 
goin' to a funeral, 'stead of a weddin'. Oh, say now, 
Lissie, I ain't a-goin' to be so bad ; honest I ain't. 
What do you say. Grandpa? Ain't she lucky to 
git me? Why, all the gals in this town will be 
jealous of you, Lissie. Oh, come on now. {Starts 
to raise her up.) Give us a kiss. 

Lissie. 
{Clinging frantically to Grandpa.) 
Don't let him. Grandpa ! Don't let him ! 



THE CITY FELLER 79 



Lem. 
(Angrily.) 
Say ! If ye don't watch out I won't marry ye, an' 
ye'll be sorry when it's too late. 

Grandpa. 
Now, Lemuel, don't be hast}^. The gal is nervous 
an' needs a little understandin' ; that's all. 

Marthy enters doxcn left. 

Lem. 
Well, I ain't a-goin' to wait no longer. If she's 
a-goin' to marry me, she's got to git ready. 

Marthy. 
Goin' to marry her today, Lem.'* 

Lem. 
Yes, today. Ain't no use waitin'. Mother's goin' 
to the Parson's with us, an' her an' Orrin Ruddy's 
goin' to git spliced at the same time. 

Marthy. 
F'r the land sake ! Go on upstairs and dress f'r 
y'r weddin', Lissie. Don't make a fool of yourself. 
You can put on that dress I made ye f'r y'r last 
birthday, an' there's some new ribbons in the bureau 
drawer. Go on, now, and git ready. 

Grandpa. 

Go along, Lissie. It's f'r the best ; I can't see no 
other way. {Leads Lissie up stage; then sits on 
lounge.) Lem. 

I'll be back an' all ready in half an hour. (Swag- 
gers out the back door.) 

(Lissie slowly mounts the steps and goes out.) 



80 THE CITY FELLER 

Marthy. 
{Going.) 
Well, she's a lucky girl, I say! {Exits dozen left.) 

(Grandpa leans his head on his hands.) 

Marthy. 

{After a moment, calls from off left.) 
Grandpa, air ye goin' to eat y'r breakfast? 

Grandpa. 

( Wearily.) 

Yes, yes. {Exits down left.) 

Postmaster Orrin Ruddy knocks loudly on the 
back door, and repeats the knock. Marthy enters 
from down left, crosses and opens the door, and 
greets Orrin, who is dressed for his wedding. 

Marthy. 
Why, how do you do, Mr. Ruddy ! 

Orrin. 
Yep. Mr. Orrin Ruddy, at y'r service, ma'am. 
Guess you know what's happening today. 

jNIarthy. 
Land, yes ! Y're goin' to marry Sally Hecker. 

Orrin. 
{Putting his hand to his ear.) 
Eh? What's thet.? 

Marthy. 
{Shouts.) 
Marry ! Marry Sally Hecker. 

Orrin. 
Yep. I didn't have a chance to git away. I ain't 
as spry as I once was. Sally's the best cook in this 
state. 



THE CITY FELLER 



Marthy. 
Well, postmaster, I wish ye great joy. 

Orrin. 
Yep, she makes great pie! (Looks around.) 
Where's Ben? I want to see him private. 

Marthy. 
(Calls.) 
Grandpa ! Mr. Ruddy, the postmaster, wants to 
see ye. (Turns to Orrin.) Sit down, Mr. Rudd}'. 
(Goes out down left, to call Grandpa.) 

(Orrin looks all around for a cuspidor, and 
finally spits out of the window.) 

Grandpa enters from down left. 

Grandpa. 
(Cordially.) 
Howdy, postmaster. 

Orrin. 
How do do, Ben. (Takes out hi g envelope.) Spe- 
cial delivery, Sh'd of brought it last night, but I 
had to fiddle f'r the firemen's dance. (Looks around, 
then spits out of windoic.) Couldn't git here no 

sooner. „ 

Grandpa. 

(Tremblingly opens letter, and a check drops out.) 

The dividends! the dividends! 

Orrin. 

Grandpa. 
(Excitedly.) 
The dividends! (Picks up the check.) Mary! 
Mary! (Dashes out the hack door.) 



82 THE CITY FELLER 

Orrin. 
Eh? Hope no one ain't dead. (Sits in chair at 
right.) 

Sally enters through the back door, dressed for 
the wedding. Sally. 

{Seeing Orrin.) 

Oh, here you are, dear man ! Goodness, I'm so 
excited my breath just comes in short pants. 

Orrin. 
(Without rising.) 
What's that? What's that? My last chance? 
There, there ; keep cooL I ain't a-goin' to run away. 

Sally. 
Git out. How do you Hke my dress? 

Orrin. 
Fust class. Come and set. (Indicates his knee.) 

Sally. 
(Bashfully looking all around.) 
Oh, Orrin! I don't dast ! 

Orrin. 
Oh, come on. g^j^^^^. 

(Hesitating.) 
Well — there! (Sits on his knee, facing toward 

^^f^-) Orrin. 

By jenks, this makes me think of my boyhood's 
happy hours. g^^^^^. 

Land of buttons, Orrin, but you are romantic! 

Orrin. 

(Jumps up, and Sally nearly falls.) 

Rheumatic? Never had rheumatics in my life! 



THE CITY FELLER 83 

Sally. 
Why, Orrin Ruddy ! I said romantic. 

Orrin. 
Oh; that's different. (Sits again.) Set! (Indi- 
cates his knee, and Sally sits on it, as before.) 

Jim enters at top of stairs, sees them and goes 
back quietly. g^^^^Y. 

(Seeing Jim, has jumped up, her hand on her heart.) 

Great suspenders ! My reputation is gone in this 
village. 

Marthy enters from down left. 

Marthy. 
All ready f'r the weddin', Sally.? 

Sally. 
(Crosses a little up center.) 
Well, I couldn't be no readier. 

Jim enters at top of steps, descends and crosses to 
Orrin, who meets him at center. 

Jim. 
(Shaking hands.) 
How are ye, postmaster. 

Orrin. 
(Rising deliberately.) 
Hooked, James ; hooked. 

(Jim laughs and moves to left of stage.) 

Lem enters excitedly from outside. 

Lem. 
What do you think.? He's back! 

(Music, "Old Fashioned Rose" till curtain.) 



84 THE CITY FELLER 

All 

Who's back? Lem. 

That city feller ! Jes' got in on the ten-fifteen. 
Brought two men from the city with recommends. 
They say he's all right; that he ain't no sharper, 
Where's Lissie.? The minister's waitin'. {Calls ex- 
citedly.) Lissie! Lissie! 

Jim. 

Hold on; there ain't no rush. {Crosses up right 
and intercepts Lem.) ^ 

I won't hold on. I ain't goin' to wait. Lissie's 

got to marry me now. 

Jim. 

( Emphatically. ) 

I say you'll wait. ^ 
*^ '' Lem. 

Why.? Why.? {Excited.) Because that city feller's 

come back. That's why. 

Jim. 

I'm goin' to give the gal a show. 

Sally. 

Don't let him interfere with y'r weddin', Lem. 

Lem. 

( Swaggering. ) 

I ain't a-goin' to. I ain't afraid of no bluffs. 

Lissie said she'd marry me, and the minister's a- 

waitin'. jj^^ 

Let him wait. Marthy. 

Jim, don't you interfere. 

Lissie, dressed for her wedding, enters slowly 
through the door at the top of the steps, and looks 
down from the platform. 



THE CITY FELLER 85 

Positions. 
Lem. Lissie. 

(on platform) 
Sally. Jim. 

Orrin. Marthy. 

Jim. 
(Starts for the stairs.) 
lissie! Marthy. 

(Stopping him.) 
Shut y'r mouth ! 

Grandpa enters from outside. 

Grandpa. 
(Joyfully.) 
Lissie, Lissie; they've come. (Holding up the 
papers.) The dividends! 

Lissie. 
(Eagerly.) 
Oh, Grandpa — is he here.'' 

Grandpa. 
(Going slightly right.) 
No, honey, but he sent the dividends. 

Lem. 
(Impatiently.) 

Come on, Lissie ; the parson's waitin'. 

(Lissie comes slowly down the steps.) 

Aunty Purvis enters from outside and crosses 
right, to Grandpa. Sally 

Yes; for goodness sake, come on. (Talces Orrin's 
arm and they go up center.) 

(As Sally crosses up center. Grandpa and 
Auntie move dozen right.) 



86 THE CITY FELLER ^__ 

Lem. 
(At the door.) 
Come on, Lissie. 

(LissiE crosses slowly to Lem,. ptits her hand in 
his, crosses to the door and opens it, while Sally and 
Orrin move to right of doorway.) 

Phil is standing in the doorway. 

Phil. 
Ah! Good morning. (All show surprise. Phil 
looks around.) I beg your pardon. Am I intruding .? 

Grandpa. 

(Eagerly.) 

Mr. Phil, you're welcome! (Crosses to center.) 

Marthy. 
(Starting for the door.) 
Wait a minute! jj^^ 

(Stopping her.) 
Hold on! L^j^ 

Yes, you are intruding, Mr. City Feller. We're 
goin' to be married, Lissie and me! (Moves down 
left.) Pjjil. 

(Astonished.) 

Married! Lissie, is this true.^ (At center.) 

Lissie. 
(Softly, and turning her face away.) 
Yes. (Goes left of center.) 

(Sally crosses down right.) 

Phil. 
I came back to ask you to be my wife. I — I 
thought you cared for me, and trusted me. 



THE CITY FELLER 87 

Lem. 

Come on, Lissie. {Makes a start, putting his arm 
around Lissie.) Phil 

{Sharply to Lem.) 
Wait! {Turns to Graxdpa.) Grandpa, did you 
get your dividends .f* 

Grandpa. 
{Crossing and taking his hand.) 
Yes, my boy ; yes. 

(Auntie crosses to Phil.) 
Phil. 
{Heartilt/.) 
Good! And Grandma {takes her hand and kisses 
it) — God bless her! Grandpa, you can now live in 
a spick-span cottage in the heart of the village, and 
own your own horses and rig — yes, and an auto- 
mobile if you wish. For your stock in the auto- 
mobile business is worth ten thousand dollars, and 
the dividends a thousand dollars a year. 
Positions. 

Phil. ^'^^'^■ 

Auntie. I^^^^' 

Grandpa. Jim. 

Sally. Marthy. 

Sally. 
Oh, my Lord! Marthy. 

I always said father was a smart business man. 

Jim. 
You bet ! Phil. 

{Turning to Lem.) 
Now, Mr. Lemuel Hecker, you owe me an apology 
for casting aspersions on my spotless reputation. 
Apologize ! 



THE CITY FELLER 



Lem. 
{Blustering.) 
I ain't goin' to apologize to no man. 
(Sally anxiously crosses in front of Grandpa and 
Auntie to right center.) 

Phil. 
{Sharply.) 
Hurry up. -^^^^ 

{Bluffing.) 
You stand out of my way. 
Phil. 
{Looking right at him.) 
Apologize! L^^ 

{In a rage.) 
Durn you! {Drives his fist at Phil.) 
(Phil steps aside and gives him an upper cut. 
Lem falls flat at center.) 

Phil. 
{Standing over him.) 
Apologize! L^^ 

{Weakly.) 
I apologize. {Rises and crosses to Sally, who 
pets him.) Pjjjj. 

{Good-naturedly.) 
Fine! {To Lissie.) Lissie, I'm going away. Will 
you come with me.? Lissie. 

Yes, sir. {She goes to him, and he folds her in 
his arms.) 

Sally. 
{With her hands on her hips.) 
And he wears silk socks ! 

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